Competing

GC: "The sys dev team went running last week, they are getting fitter."

JH: "So you're going running today to keep up?"

GC: "Yes, need to keep fit. I'm worried if it came to a fight who would win, SysDev against CS."

JH: "Yep, we'd have a battle."

GC: "CS against Ops?"

JH: "Well, I know the outcome of that one - we would...lick...their...arses."

GC: shocked pause

JH: "...well, not literally."

References

CN details her previous work experience.

GH: "Why did you extend your contract?"

CN: "Well it keeps me off the streets."

Anti-thesis

Whilst listening to loud music outside the British Library.

GC: "They won't appreciate that in the library while they're trying to write their thesaurus…"

Messy

GC: "Hi, how are you? You seem to have a stain on your shirt."
PMcL: "That was from my plums... it's plum juice."

Bragging

TS: "Who do you think has a big custom dic?"

Warming up

Said to GC.

JH: "Once you've had your oats, I'll be ready for you."

Hands off

TC: "Don't go down my drawers without asking me."

Carry on

LE: "Mmmm, what I really want is stuffing!"

Comedy

At the comedy store during an improv session.

Phil Jupitus: "Name me a country."

Audience: "Montenegro."

Phil Jupitus: "OK, and something that the Montenegrons do?"

HA: "Have to deal with Serbians."

Audience: Sharp intake of breath.

Phil Jupitus: Adjusts collar "Tough crowd,...another suggestion?"

Smokin'

NR: "AH, you got a hot little arse!"

Subtle

Said to AH in a pub.
TSi had just sat next to her and started rubbing her back.

TSi: "I just wanna get laid by the end of the week. I don't care who it is, married or not."

Face to face

AH: "P, why don't you join Facebook so we can all chat online?"

PH: "I don't think my wife would be happy after what happened last time I did something like that. Three days of pleasure, three years of pain."

Default settings

AH: "Sorry, M, haven't had chance to reply to your email."
MSJ: "Don't worry, I can't remember what I asked you now, my brain resets itself every 10 days."

Topper returns

EO: "My osteopath said to me:
'E, you've not got the biggest back muscles I've ever seen. I had a trapeze artist in here once who was slightly bigger than you. But you're big.' "

Annoying contractor returns

AH: "Morning G, welcome back."
GG: winking "A! Looking gooooood, have you lost weight?"

Peacock

CN: "I like the way TS struts."

..and she's single now. Better watch out TS.

John's your uncle

GC: "You're all dressed in grey today. You look just like Bob Major."

TS: "Who? Who's Bob Major."

GC: "errrr……………..got to go……very busy."

Dumb and dumber

Whilst filling out an induction form for the 183 building, AN decides to copy the information from another person's form.

2 minutes later he realises that at the line where he should write his name he has written the other person's name (TS).

Freak weather

SA: "You had snow?"
SH: "Yeah."
SA: "What, on the ground?"

Topper

EO: "When I had the kebab shop, the arm wrestling world champion came into the shop and I beat him."