Snatch Attack

AH: "I've got Snatch Attack, would you like to see it?"
TC: "Err, no thanks."

Disappointingly, Snatch Attack turned out to be a game on her new mobile phone.

Oink

AN: “Speaking of pigs, my wife……………..”

Can't remember where I was going with that one but it can't have been good.

Pyjama Party

AH's daughter, KH, had two of her 5 year old friends round the other day and they were playing "sleepovers", all dressed up in pyjamas and tucked up in bed. One of the girls said:

"Let's pretend there are some boys coming over".

AH: "That's nice. Who's coming?"

"50 Cent and Eminem" she said

AH: "er…."

Poverty

Overheard on the bus today.

Opinionated American Woman: "Living above the poverty line is just as hard. I can't afford to go abroad this year."

Twiddling thumbs

PH: "To be honest, I often just make work for myself. No-one benefits from it but me"

It's what you do with it...

HA: "PC can you have a look at this for me?"

PC: "Looks to me like you have a size problem."

PC: "ha ha ha ha!"

Interview technique

Ben Shephard of GMTV, speaking to a family who are all blind for one reason or another, all sitting on the GMTV sofa with their guide dogs:

"Well, the dogs seem more excited than you lot to see themselves on TV"

Pudding

Lunch time in the staff restaurant.

PS: "Oh, they got a chocolate ring...I love a chocolate ring."
AN: "Especially doused in cream?"

A whole lot funnier if you know PS is gay.

Try something new

AH: "SA, is everything sorted out with the Image system now?"

SA: "Yes, but I'd still like to touch wood."

Hirsute

Giving her views on male genitalia.

AH: "Hairy is good."

Is she doing this on purpose?

SA: "Will you mention that new feature in the Monday Buzz meeting?"

GC: "If I remember."

SA: "Well if you don't I'll jerk you."

Why am I here?

RC: "Why do customers keep ringing me up every 5 minutes asking when their drives are going to be back up?"

GE: "Well, because that's your job."

Push

JH: "So how has your time in the new team been?"

MF: (heavily pregnant) "It's been a good experience and I've been stretched."

JH: "Well, you'll be stretched a bit more in a couple of months time!"

Agent Starling

Whilst making a joke about the prison interview scene in "Silence of the Lambs" the follwing quote was said just as the quotee came out of the lift and walked staright into the rather prim head of Systems Dev.

GC: "She makes me want to fling sperm all over her."

Can't somebody else do it?

RC is hovering by TS's desk, anxious hand over a CD.

RC: "I'm having a lot of trouble installing this update disk. Can you help?"

TS: "OK. What kind of install is it? Does it come as an MSI or legacy setup and what kind of problems have you been having with it?"

RC: "I don't know, I haven't opened the disk yet."

Office Romance

AH: "Yeh! I got shafted by SR a couple of times."

Trannies are us

Trying to explain that he would never sleep with a man.

AN: "I would sleep with a man as long as he looked just like a woman, had breasts and a vagina."

Film Buff

GC: "Who was the baddie in Dr. No?"

AN: "Errrr….Dr No"

Adoration

AN: "In case you didn't know GC is 40 in January."
DL (guy): "Wow, he looks real good for his age."

Any Excuse

PC: "My granddaughter is coming on holiday with us this year, she gets up so early, I don't know how I'll cope."

AH: "You'll have to get in some early nights."

PC: "Mmm, I know - that's what I said to Barry."