Smokin'

It was the birthday of one of my close colleagues today so a few of us went out for a pint or two a lunch time. As we were sitting around the table the conversation got on to the current political debate about banning smoking in public places.

No one at the table smokes now but most of us used to, except for TS.

"I used to smoke 60 a day," said SR.

"I started on those little 'Tom Thumb' cigars when I was 14 but I haven't smoked for ages now." I said.

NR chimed in with "I used to smoke a pipe."

...and so it went on until TS, who looked thoughtful for a few seconds says, "So, you ALL used to smoke, I've never smoked in my life but I'm the only one who's had fucking cancer."

Fancy a curry?

AH: "Are you feeling better from last week?"

SR: "Yes, thanks."

AH: "What was wrong anyway? A cold?"

SR: "No, I had an anal fistula that needed draining."

AH: "..."

Snack attack

TS: "Let's have some of your healthy food?"

DB: "Sure, help yourself."

TS: "Hmm, actually, I'm not so sure. With your personal hygiene I may catch something by putting your nuts in my mouth."

My kind of meeting

At a meeting about databases n' stuff like that between NR and 3 female colleagues.

AH: "So how would we manage to include that feature?"

NR: "Maybe we could use a strap-on."