Hey there

TS walks into a pub, after a few beers at the staff bar. He wasn't that drunk but tripped over his own feet anyway.

He pirouettes to the bar, slips along it spinning all the way before coming to a stop next to a group of women. He's facing away from the bar with both his elbows leaning on the counter, looking for all the world like he'd planned that little acrobatic entrance to get everyone's attention.

TS: To the surprised woman standing next to him. "What's your name girly-girl?"

Way to go Fonzie.

Conversation killer

ZB, a South African contractor, and TS were talking to a couple of Australian girls they'd bumped into at the pub. Things were going really well until:

ZB: Very casually. "So, do you two girls use double-ended dildos or what?"

TS gave up and walked away but ZB stuck it out for another hour.

What does that mean?

This happened about 10 years ago.
At the time MK was a woman of about 60 and weighed about 22 stone (300 pounds.

MK: To the whole office one Monday morning. "I had a 'phone call last night. I didn't recognise the voice but he said: 'Do you like anal sex?'. Well, I didn't know what he meant so I asked him to explain. It was very rude but I learned three new words for penis."

Shameless

ML: Makes a quick call on his mobile. "Hi, its me. I just thought we'd go gruuunt through the **** project stuff briefly. Can you give me hrugnh a quick rundown? I just wanted grummph to make sure...... blah blah blah."

I was in the toilet cubicle next door. Surely no one is *that* busy?

Fruity

SR keeps a big bowl of fresh fruit near his desk.

JH: "Oooh, look at all that fruit."

SR: "You're welcome to some if you want, put one of my plums in your mouth."

What a relief

SA: "We will have a contractor in the office for the next two weeks. He will be relieving GE".

ALL: Laughter

SA: Trying to rescue the situation "I should actually say he will be backfilling GE."

ALL: Hysterical laughter

GE: "I do not want to be relieved or backfilled!"